Saturday, April 16, 2011

on love

being in love.
finding love.
falling in love.
I think the best way to see if you really love someone is when you are able to be quiet with them. Maybe you're reading a book and he is reading a newspaper. Or you're both working from home. Or you are seating down to eat and don't really have anything to say and somehow you are both content. No one has to force a conversation no one has to strive to be anything that they are not, you just are, in that moment where you are able to hear your own thoughts and nothing is forced. If you can find that person that allows you to be yourself... In the hope that you yourself know who you are... then you have love.
... when all of a sudden you find every topic involving him or her. Someone might say oh 'did you hear about the stock market' and you'll say 'oh that reminds me of when Bob was...'
... you miss him and think about him in the weirdest instances
... you think about and do what you know only he will appreciate
.... when you hear your phone beep/buzz/ or vibrate you pick it up in the expectation that its him
... when you talk to him over the phone and he says something you like- you smile...even though he can't see you he knows that he has made you smile
... when you get angry with him or at him... what annoys you more than anything in the world is that for a period of time your not talking to him. So anything that makes you happy you have no one to tell because he is your best friend. And when you are honest with yourself- the fact that he is upset pisses you off [even though you caused it] you want his pain to go away because you can't stand the fact that he is not speaking to you. So you use a cute way to start talking to him again. Or a maybe you listen to the voicemail that he left you over and over again but somehow that is not the same. The joy of the smile on his face is no longer there and at this point you rather see a frown then nothing at all.
... when he holds you in his arms it is as if he is the only person that knows how to hold you. And somehow he always knows what to say and what not to say. He knows the perfect instance to correct you and the perfect situation to just let you cry. And even though you hate crying in front of people... he is the only exception. You don't mind letting him see the sides of yourself that you didn't even know existed. He pulls on your strengths and shadows your weakness.
... you do have to struggle to be something that you are not and are never going to be... he allows the silly along with the intelligent... he loves the sarcastic and the venerable.
... he never over steps his boundaries or assumes what you have never admitted to but he will wait until you say 'i love you' first - fore he knows coming from you -it means the world and after you tell him how much you are in love with him he hugs you.... He doesn't kiss you because he respects your values and although the passion in his eyes scourge your very skin and you want to give in to that moment........ he won't let you; he knows you might just beat yourself up afterward
... he know the deepest darkest things that no one else knows. He never holds it against you or even bothers to bring it up; instead he prays. He prays for you as if you where his own body and you find yourself constantly praying for him. You can't help it, it comes out of you like a rushing flood overwhelming you and leaving you satiated and filled to the top....

now thats the kind of love they leave out of the fairytales. A perfect mix of agape, phileo, and eros.
- agape: a love that is unconditional. you love them just because you can. they did nothing to deserve it so they can do nothing to take it away. Its a -I love you by force- whether you like it or not type of love
- phileo: a brotherly love. a love that even when you are up to your brim with the crap they put you through- you hear someone else talk about them and thats a no no
- eros: passionate love. a love that you just want to be in the same room as them. That you don't want them to leave your side. You just can't get enough of them.

And i told the Lord that I will wait for His perfect will for my life. I told the Lord that remove and add any and everything you want for a future husband. Because when it is all said and done only what God has joined will stand...

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